End Results

Tamoxifen is no fun, I hope something better comes along soon, not looking forward to 3-1/2 more years of it.

Most of the chemo effects (all?) are long gone now, just hope it did it's job.

I miss having a care free body!

We continue to be pleased with the physical results of the reconstruction. It's pretty normal looking but for a scar or two. We're wondering if we might have had better shape with the newer "tear drop" shaped implants but they were brand new at the time and untested.

More fun with Tamoxifen

Yeast infections. Every month I get a mini yeast infection, it lasts for 5-10 days though. It doesn't feel like enough to bother with sometimes but it does ruin sex. And the random periods sure don't help that either.

I still have alot of pain in the affected boob. I feel like the implant is so large and the skin layer there is so thin. I have an appointment this week with the plastic surgeon to ask about it.

I'll be making an appointment with my oncologist pretty soon to ask about Zometa and this news as well as asking about all the Tamoxifen side-effects.

First Haircut

Got my new hair styled for the first time today. I think I'm still gonna wear a wig for awhile because I'm just not used to having only four inches of hair. It's nice to have some style though so I can choose which.

My hair is 2-3 times thicker than it was, that was my estimate and my hairstylist confirmed it. It's darker too but that's probably just because it has never seen the sun.

Still pains in both boobs now and then, definitely more on the mastectomy side. There are still mini-menopause symptoms but I'm learning to avoid them. Yogurt helps keep the yeast infections away, and vitamin E and Flax seed seem to help with lubrication (and KY too!).

Mini-Menopause, not fun

The tamoxifen is wrecking my cycle and giving me a glimpse of menopause. Sex is tricky and sometimes painful for no apparent reason and lubrication is a necessity now. I hear this is because the lining of the vagina itself has changed. I may have to investigate Estrogen creams and whatever else I can try.

I never know when to expect my period and I have cramps at random times through the month. The breakthrough bleeding made my OB/Gyn do a (negative) test for Uterine cancer and that gave me more cramps for week.

Five years of this will be a pain, I'm wondering if the dosage can be adjusted but I'm not too hopeful.

Clear MRI & Mammogram

Yea! There's nothing better than a clear MRI. The mammogram did not hurt nearly as much as I had feared, but 45 minutes in the MRI is sure a drag.

Now we have to do some more followup and then see what we can do about getting tested for less money. I understand outside "Open MRI" places charge 1/4 or less of what Mayo gets. The trick is going to be keeping Mayo for my followups but paying $750 for an MRI instead of $4500.

Hair is about 2-1/2 inches now. I'm not ready to give up the wig but I do want to see what my stylist can make of it.

MRI and Mammogram Scheduled

We're set to have our first follow-up MRI and Mammogram this week. The Mammogram is only for the non-cancer side, the MRI will be both sides.

I'm hoping hoping hoping for no signs of recurrence. It will be another sign of being done with this.

I'm worried the mammogram will hurt though, I'm barely 3 months out from the implant surgery.

Also the MRI is $4,000, we'll have to leave Mayo or figure something else out if we're to have one of these every 6 months. Our insurance has a high deductible (it's an HSA) and even after that we only get 70% at out-of-network spots like Mayo.

Boobs Still Hurt

A month post-surgery and my breasts still hurt, especially the non-cancer (not tissue-expanded) breast. I did not expect it to last this long but friends who have had breast augmentation say it may take another month to feel better. They look fantastic though, they haven't "dropped" completely yet but they look almost normal. My plastic surgeon was fantastic.

The Tamoxifen side effects seem to be mild so far, no hot flashes and periods are nearly normal.

One last chemo side effect: fine blonde hairs on my face and back, something I never had before. Guess I'll have to Nair or wax them, they don't seem to be getting worse so I bet they stay away after I get rid of them.

On my head the hair is about an inch long. Still wigging it, probably will for another couple of months until I can get a hairstyle that doesn't look like a boy.

Last (?) Surgery

We've had the last surgery. This was the "boob job" surgery to bring us back close to normal. I was happy with my look before but this has sort of been something to look forward to since all this started. We did Mentor silicone implants, a small one on the "good" side and a larger one to match it on the mastectomy side. They gave me a peek just after I woke up (before alot of swelling) and it looks pretty good.

Right now though it's just alot of pain. I'm looking forward to a few days or a week from now when this is all over.

I'm really looking forward to only having some mammograms and MRIs in my future instead of Chemo and surgeries.

There's another option for later too. I can transplant a very small part of the "pokie" part of my good nipple to my now-scarred nipple. This will give it some projection and help it match the other. I'm scared to mess up my good breast but I've done very well trusting this plastic surgeon so far. He can do it outpatient with no general anesthesia too, so it would be easy and fast.

Tamoxifen

I started taking my Tamoxifen. I wanted to wait until I was clear of all the chemo effects.

The hair is about 1/2"

The Ovaries Are Working

My period is back, with a vengeance. It felt a little odd at times last month but this month is nearly a normal period. I know I'm supposed to want estrogen out of my body because it feeds cancer, but I'm hoping the cancer is all gone and I can enjoy the benefits of estrogen (like good bone density, sex drive, no menopause symptoms, etc.).

Mostly it's another sign of normal life returning.

Oh and the hair is about 5/16".

Inflated Again

My last tissue expander inflation is done. This means I should be able to have the implant surgery sometime in the next 4-6 weeks. More pain but it's on the way to being and feeling normal again.
Here's my plastic surgeon's web site.

Hair On My Head

Finally! I have some hair sprouting all over my head. It's under 1/4" still but at least it's coming in.

My abdominal pain I've had since baby #2 is back. Normally not a good thing, it might mean my ovaries have just re-started and are putting out estrogen again, and that'd be great news. Well good for all of my body except any breast cancer.

Yea, Some New Hair

My eyebrows have some gray areas that now seem to be sprouting hair. My eyelashes are coming in too and I think I see a similar gray patch on my head. I can't wait.

If my hair can grow back and my arm pain can go away then the chemo will finally be over.

Remainder Of My Hair Falling Out

Probably 95% of my hair is gone after this week. I didn't think I'd still be losing it 5 weeks after my last treatment. My eyebrows and eyelashes are mostly gone now too.

Depressing. I was hoping to have some new hair sprouting by now, not still losing it.

Chemo Symptoms Finally Easing

The eye doctor gave me some ointment which has kept my eye feeling good but I can't wear my contacts at all. It's been several days since I needed a nap so I'm over the fatigue. I'm dry from head to toe though, more so now than during the actual treatments. No hair growing in yet but it's only 3 weeks since the last treatment.

The oncologist says I should not expect to feel normal for another month or so. Luckily he says I can wait to start taking Tamoxifen until then.

No period this month, we may have to wait 6 months to see if my ovaries survived the treatments. I'm really hoping they are okay, I need the Estrogen to prevent osteoporosis and heart disease.

Mouth Sores and Eye Pain

They warned me about the mouth sores but I didn't think I'd come this far and get them at the end. I bit my lip and it's healing very slow. Very annoying and painful and I re-bite it almost every day.

But my eye has started hurting now. It seemed like an eyelash stuck in there yesterday but tonight it looks like there might be an ulcer and it's much redder. I'll have to call tomorrow for help.

I just want this over, I didn't expect so many small side effects to plague me at over 2 weeks after my last treatment.

Still Coming Out Of It

Still nausea sometimes and strange effects on my taste buds. Still tired and napping almost every day, almost two weeks out from the last treatment.

No more trips to Mayo for a couple of weeks and that's nice. No more doctors except one reconstruction surgery in a month or two.

I still have maybe 20% of my hair but no new fuzz coming in yet. I'm anxious for that last visible symptom to be gone too.

Sick and tired

The nausea is lasting much longer this time. The first cycle it was over the first night! This time it's Friday and I still feel sick to my stomach.

I'm tired too, I slept most of this week and I'll nap alot today I'm sure.

I miss my kids too, I hope they don't remember how tired and absent Mommy's been these past 2 months.

I just want it to be done but I don't feel like it's lifting yet.

Chemo #4

Today's the last chemo. We decided to not do the last Neulasta shot, there's not much point in being ready for the next cycle when this is the last cycle. Also a nurse says it might be the cause of my arm pain.

The chemo is uneventful except that they poke me several times finding a vein. Nurse #2 has to come over and try and she misses once too. I have an angry bruise spot and a long bruise streak to show for it.

Amazingly I still have some hair, it's only enough to wear a baseball hat and not look too goofy but I'll take it. Cycle #4 will probably finish it off though.

I'm dreading this coming week but at least it's almost over.

#4 Tomorrow...

Chemo #4 is tomorrow and my arm is still hurting. I have no idea where they will be doing the treatment but it won't be this arm. I can see where one vein has collapsed and my muscle (nerve?) still hurts further up.

I'm definitely more tired this cycle, maybe it was a little virus or having my period or maybe the chemos accumulate. I guess I'll know next week after #4.

Thank God this is almost over and my sympathies to people who have 8, 12 or more cycles.

My Arm Is Killing Me

My arm is weak and in pain from all the injections, infusions and blood draws in the last few months. They don't like to use the other arm since I had the mastectomy there so everything is coming and going with my left arm. Chemo #2 bruised me and #3 must have hit a nerve or something because it really hurts there.

On the up side I got my tissue expander re-inflated today so my right half finally matches my left. 2 more inflations and we'll be ready for the implant to finish the reconstruction. I can't wait.

Bad News/Good News

The only thing worse than a chemo treatment week is a chemo week AND your period. I heard all kinds of things about what chemo would do to my ovaries but no one can say for sure. There's a good chance (maybe 30%?) that the chemo will induce early menopause and "kill" them. I guess this is a good sign, it's right on time and fairly normal. Even if it isn't a good sign, there's no way it can be a bad one right?

I'm certain it doesn't make the week easier though.

Last cycle is June 18th.

My Uncle Died

I can't imagine a worse time but my uncle has died, of cancer no less. I really wanted to be there for my aunt right now but I just don't feel up to a 6 hour drive. Flying is $1000 (and this is a lousy time for unexpected expenses) but I'm worried that I'll get sick in a plane (or hotel, or rental car, etc.)

Chemo Cycle #3

Well Chemo plus a cold is no fun. I can hardly breathe but my white cell counts were still good enough for round three. On the one hand I hate this cold and that I might have it for another week, on the other hand I'm happy to be 3/4 done.

The hair is about 2/3 gone now and I have to wear a hat to go out. No one at Mayo could believe it had lasted this long. I still wonder if a "cold cap" would have worked for me.

A Cold

I have a cold or at least a stuffed up nose. I'm even more tired than usual too. Maybe it's a virus or maybe it's just the edema they mentioned and some hay fever. Either way I'm not looking forward to another cycle tomorrow.

Hats and Bandanas

We went to the store and bought bandanas and some baseball hats. We bought some for the kids too and played pirates around the house. Seems like about 1/3 of my hair has fallen out so it's time to start working with this stuff.

Much More Tired

This time I'm napping every day for the last 3 days. No more aches (from the Neulasta shot?) but I'm definitely more tired. Lots of help from friends and family is helping us and helping to wear the kids out everyday.

I feel all dried out everywhere too, despite lots of water, lotion, etc.

The hair continues to come out a half dozen at a time, tomorrow I have to wash it and I'm not looking forward to how much comes out then.

So glad this is halfway done.

Neck Aches & Nausea at Midnight

Not as easy as the first cycle. I've got neck pain and I'm afraid to take an Advil because I'm also feeling like I'm going to throw up anytime. It takes 45 minutes for a Zofran to knock that back and I can take something for my neck, then another 30 minutes or so before that kicks in and lets me sleep.

My appetite is better but I was tired already today, it took 2 days to get tired the first time.

The hair is coming out now, no clumps yet but I'm leaving a few hairs behind wherever I go.

Chemo Day #2

Second time much like the first. After getting my lab work back and seeing good white counts (thanks Neulasta), we're sent off to the Chemo room. 2 hours of Adriamycin, Cytoxan and the gang. Mild nausea at home tonight, calmed by Zofran and Compazine. Today was actually a little better than the first cycle because I tried harder to eat and drink.

Still have all my hair but everyone agrees this is the week it must go. I've got one wig and a hat with more to come when I feel up to it this week.

Uh-oh Spicy Food!

I forgot they told me to avoid spicy food and I ate some marinated pork chops tonight. My stomach is reminding me now, not quite as bad as the initial chemo dose but no fun. My oncologist says stomach cells regenerate all the time and the chemo kills them just like it kills cancer cells.

Muscle Pain

My legs are aching for the past two days. I don't know if it's a genuine side effect or if I just over did it shopping for wigs. Either way climbing the stairs is a real pain.

Lab Work

Boring lab work visit today but this is where they see if my white cell count is bouncing back where it needs to be. Results next week.

Oh and my appetite is back to normal.

Chemo Going Well So Far

So far so good, I'm definitely more tired than normal but that's about all so far. I've lost about 5 lbs because almost nothing sounds good to eat to me. Still we're feeling very lucky.

Feeling Odd

At chemo +3 days I feel like my head is full of something, maybe the medicine. I almost have a headache all the time and I just don't feel like myself. I'm lucky I'm not tossing my cookies all day long. At least I can eat and I'm not completely useless.

Chemo Sets In

The chemo has been pretty light up until now, just nausea the first day and mild fatigue after that. But today I'm sleepy and napping at noon. Things smell funny but I'm still tasting things normally. A friend warned me that the first treatment can be lighter and they get worse as time goes on. I'm hoping it'll just be easy on me.

Neulasta Shot

Today we return for a Neulasta shot. It's $4,000.00 but it will let us do the treatment in 2 months instead of 3. It boosts the white cell count so we can get more chemo treatment sooner.

Chemo Day #1

Today is the first day of Chemo. We go and talk about it for awhile and the oncologist finally recommends we take Adriamycin over Docetaxel, with Cytoxan added. We'll "only" have 4 cycles, and we're doing the "dose-dense" treatment every two weeks, so we feel sort of lucky that ours will over in 2 months.

They give me a steroid, Benadryl, and something called Aloxi for nausea. Then they push in two big vials of the Adriamycin (a.k.a. doxorubicin). Finally they hang a bag of the Cytoxan and let it drip in. The whole treatment takes about 2 hours.

We go home and I feel fine for about 4 hours and then start to feel nausea. I take the Compazine they gave us and then the Zofran. No vomiting. I finally get some sleep at about 11 pm.

Chemo Decisions and HER2

We go in for a final appointment before chemo to discuss just what we'll take and what the effects will be. Just as we're getting started we discover the path report from surgery #4 showed us as having a 2+ score on the ICH test for the HER2 receptor. Oh shit. Our first path report showed us as being HER2- and we rejoiced because HER2+ tumors have a worse prognosis.

This ends our dicussion of chemo treatments, we can't pick one until we know HER2 status. We go home and read that 2+ ICH score is ambiguous and they must do a "FISH" test to tell for sure. The next day we discover the FISH test was already done (but not not entered in the computer at Mayo) and we are indeed HER2 negative.

It sure made for a horrible night though.

We have a friend who is getting considerably more chemotherapy because she is HER2+. In all other respects we are almost the same (stage II, node negative, ER+, PR+, about 40 years old). We sure did not want to hear that was our future.

And it all delays us yet another week.

What a difference 125 cc's makes

Today we go back to the plastic surgeon to get my tissue expander filled back up. My minor surgery 2 weeks ago required they take out most of the saline in the expander. Today they put in 125 cc's and that gives me about an A cup. Much easier to work with than a flat chest and mush closer to the B on the other side. No serious pain either.

Surgery #4

Today is surgery #4. The folks at Mayo have convinced me that one more (minor) surgery could help with my almost-positive margins. They are just taking about 3 square inches of skin around the lumpectomy scar. In surgery they take a little bit of the muscle underneath to get the margins as clear as they like. They have to drain out 150 ccs of my tissue expander but at least they don't have to remove it. Heidi Chua is the surgeon and she does a good job.

The subsequent path report shows tiny amounts of invasive cancer and some DCIS, so we're glad we did it.